Passive-aggressive behavior is a pattern of indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of openly addressing them. It has also been described as "sugar-coated" hostility. Of those who display it, there is an underlying fear and avoidance of direct conflict, yet a feeling of powerlessness and helplessness.
There is a disconnect between what a passive-aggressive person says and what he or she does. For example, a passive-aggressive person might appear to agree — perhaps even enthusiastically — with another person's request. Rather than complying with the request, however, he or she might express anger or resentment by failing to follow through or missing deadlines.
Passive-Aggressive behaviour can include:
Sarcasm
Hostile attitude
Sabotage (intentional mistakes in response to others' demands)
Withholding of intimacy
Withholding of praise
Resentment to the demands of others
Being critical
Not doing something that's asked of him/her
Frequent complaints about feeling underappreciated or cheated
How do you deal with passive-aggressive behaviour?
1. Identify the behavior for what it is: hostility. Once you recognize it's a sign of hostility, it emboldens you to deal with it.
2. Set limits -- and then follow through. Make it clear that you won't tolerate being mistreated.
3. Talk specifically -- not generally. If you're going to confront a passive-aggressive person, be clear about the issue at hand.
4. Practice assertive communication.
